Alex's Blog of Awesome

Alex Goes To College (Maybe).

So yesterday was Canada Day. I have to ask, am I the only person who is tired of fireworks? Seriously now, it’s the same goddamn show every time - colourful shit flies into the sky, goes boom, we all go “ahhhh”. Maybe I’m just jaded and bitter but firework technology hasn’t improved all that much since I was eight. The whole time I was watching the show I was kind of hoping for a Cessna to fly by and get tagged with a wayward firework. That would have been hilarious/horrifying for people that aren’t me.

And now for something completely different: I might be going to college. Again. Seriously.

It turns out that Ontario has this program where if you’ve been laid off or say that you have, the government will give you tons of cash to go back to college. Intrigued by this notion of “free money” I made an appointment with one of their advisers.

Here is what I was expecting:

1) They would weed out my bullshit in an instant.

2) I would have to choose from a limited number of courses - most of them labour-oriented.

Here is what I got:

1) Not only were they complicit in my lying, but helped me build my case stronger by advising me to lie more.

2) I could choose any college program I wanted.

The whole appointment felt like a high-pressured sales situation. The type where the sales person would go “I like you, kid. So tell me, what do I have to do to get you to buy this washer and dryer combo today.” But instead of her trying to pressure me into buying something, she was pressuring me to let her give me money. Seeing as I’m not known for my resistance when it comes to people giving free money, I caved and suggested the first college course that came to mind. Thankfully, it was a course I was interested in and was considering taking. It was a TESL program offered in Toronto. She was suspiciously positive about my choice and booked me for another appointment.

I left the office feeling confused. It happened all so fast that I’m not really sure what happened. I sort of felt like I was taken advantage of. Then again, I was getting free money for college. I guess it would be like someone sliping the date-rape drug into your drink because they thought you needed a good night’s sleep. Altruisitc, but still somehow shady.

Oh well, my next meeting is in a few days so we’ll have to see just how far this little slice of wackiness will on for.